Last year, or at the start of this year, Em Rusciano did a follow Friday.
I'm not sure if she "follow Friday'd" Eden, but somehow I got to her page.
I flicked through thinking "alright, give me a reason to follow you".
She'd had a hard day, somebody had said something rude to her & she was upset. I thought to myself "bad day. Blah, blah. Who doesn't have those? What else have you got?" (I was obviously in a particularly arrogant-arsehole mood that day).
Then I stumbled upon something about her being an ex drug addict. I paused. Kept scrolling & started reading the things other women were saying to her. I was overcome by the amount of women encouraging her & the beautiful things they were saying. I was in a shoe shop with my mum pretending to give my opinion on shoes but really reading these women's tweets, completely fixated.
If there is one thing I know for sure, it's that if one woman has that much support from other women, she's awesomesauce. So I followed 'er.
I saw her tweets here & there over a few months & laughed & thought she was quite funny. Gradually I decided she was badass in a kind & genuine way & I liked her. I know that I like everyone, so technically it's not hard to win me over BUT...
THEN. I started reading her posts about Jim & I think sometimes I honestly felt like I was in the hospital with her, holding her hand & sending "it'll be ok" vibes to her mum. It's impossible not to connect to her writing. It's impossible not to feel what she's saying & impossible not to read her words as if they're being said to you. Honestly her writing is AMAHZING.
So... The point of this post, duhh, I'm getting to it...
I do not say that people "inspire me", because unless I'm joking it'd be a big fat lie. I like people a lot for what they do & what they say & who they are... But it never inspires change in me.
Until... BumBumBaahhhh Eden. I swear every time I read an Eden post I feel like there's a coded message in there for me, saying "be better dickwad, love Eden".
She isn't braggy & she isn't pushy & I'm 100% sure she thinks she's only one quarter the amount of amazing that she actually is, but how she lives her life makes you want to be a little bit more daring, a little bit smarter, a little bit more kind & have a bit more love for this world & yourself. Or at least that's what she makes me want.
I don't know what exactly she'll inspire me to do, but when I know, you'll know.
Follow her immediately & be a bit more brave, bare & batshit crazy!
Love, Brando.
You have me completely weeping. I'm still in so much grief about Jim I can hardly breathe and I keep losing my mind, in a really scary way. I hope going to India shakes me out of my senses. Never have I been so close to throwing in the blogging towel as I have lately .... the one thing that makes me keep going, above every single thing else ... is connecting with people like you. Shit that means shit.
ReplyDeleteI can't stand most of what I say or do, and I know I'm not everybody's cup of tea ... thank you so much for these words today, right now. I really needed to read them. I hate the word "inspire" too. How about, "punch." Like, "she just keeps punching me to keep going."
Thanks for punching me this morning XXXXXX
Oh, I'm sorry I made you cry! I did consider leaving the part about Jim out but I wanted you to know we were, or are, really there for you!
ReplyDeleteOf course you're still grieving! And grief is a cruel bitch because she doesnt tell you how long she's gonna stick around for, but you're doing alright! You'll be ok when you're ready to be ok again! I hope India has some answers for you!
I also hope you dont throw in the blogging towel because your words mean something to lots of people as lame as that sentence sounds.
Don't even get me started on how nuch I don't understand how you don't know you're awesome but I'm a full blown narcissist so...
And I'm all for "punch" instead of "inspire" because I threw up in my mouth a little bit even writing it.
Haaaaang in there x